After a few incredible/beautiful/hilarious nights, I sometimes wonder why on earth I decided to leave this all behind to start from scratch in a foreign city with new people, new cultures, new everything. Nothing will be familiar to me come August.

At the MCC dinner last night we were talking about fully being “in” this trip, not living in a place even though you left your heart in another. In other words, figuring out how to really invest my life into Zambia without spending all my time missing home. That is going to be so hard for me.

I don’t want to simply be “counting down the days” until I can come home. How do I view this year as hopeful, exciting, and life-giving even though some days it feels like a death sentence? 

Gah, I think the multiple times I have been stabbed in the arm with a needle this week is wearin’ me down. But, on a brighter note, this has probably been one of the most amazing summers of my life… so thats cool :)

Today involved me lying on the floor of the doctors office with my feet in the air while my doctor talked to me upside down about the hallucinations I may get from my Malaria pills. 

Ooh Zambia, the things I do for you.

Now that my preparations for Zambia are in full swing, people are suddenly always expecting me to do a million things at once and have all the right answers for their questions about my trip. Even though there are just so many unknowns to answer them fully. My aunt called me tonight in a panic, asking me if I had gotten my water tablets yet. Water tablets?! Um no, I havent, and to be honest i’m not 100% sure about what those even are. I’ll add that to my 1000th thing to get before I leave.

I have never felt like time is slipping away so quickly. Im trying to find a balance between feeling fully prepared logistically, and still getting a chance to do everything I want to do here while I have the chance. And unfortunately for the water tablets, that means putting some things on hold to spend time with people I love. (Woow I still have 2 1/2 months and im already getting sappy- keep it together Rachel!)

So im running away to Ottawa. Not actually… i’ll be home soon. Promise.

I want to wrap up today in a little box and keep it in my pocket forever. And then i’d pull it out when i’m sad and time would stand still for a little while. Time is moving too fast for my liking. But today was good.

52hearts:

people keep thinking this is a process you hurry yourself through, as if in the rip of a bandaid, all the pain will go away — but it is more of something you have to ease yourself into, like the slow course of taking in a needle from a nurse. it is something you have to learn to breathe along with. it is something you have to eventually accept in that it happening for the better. eventually, you’ll get better.

The new mantra in our household these days is that we no longer wait for ideal times, for anything. Do you want to travel more? Then do it. Do you want to reconnect with a relative? Send them a message and go have coffee. Have you been wanting to get a new hair cut? Stop looking at yourself in the mirror and book an appointment. Do you want to quit the job you hate? The quit, and trust that God will continue to provide for you.  I think we’ve all been pretty accountable for eachother, and we’ve all helped to provide eachother with the means to make all that happen.

If we sit around and wait for the most ideal time, it will never come. I know that sounds so cliche (and you know how I feel about cliches…), but within the past month I have done more with my life than I did all last summer. I have had more inspiring conversations, had more difficult conversations, cried more, loved more, travelled more, prayed more, felt more. Of course there have been obvious circumstances in my life that have pushed this “more” on me, but I would hope that my life continues to grab whatever I can take, always.  

Because I think theres a difference between being stupidly spontaneous, and thoughtfully throwing yourself into new situations, if that makes sense.

Im putting back together my life, yes. But that doesn’t mean I have to put it back in the exact same way. This time I can add pieces, throw out ones that never fit, and rearrange it to make something that is unrecognizable, but hopefully more beautiful.

We’ve been going strong for about two years now.

But i’ve been spending some time with this new blog: http://trasformedbyhope.blogspot.ca/  and I think this is where i’ll be spending most of my writing time now.

I’ll come back for visits and i’ll still use you occasionally. Hopefully we can still be friends?

Sincerely,

Rach